ah! · listen · to · alison.

I need to go somewhere green. I have had this notion in my mind for years.... ever since going to Illinois two years ago... but I haven't really thought about it. My subconscious has done that for me. My backgrounds, screensavers, and all other things pertain to pastures or green cliffs - gorgeous expanses of emerald land. Funnily enough, watching movies and listening to music has reminded me of what truly nourishes me besides family, friends, etc. I really don't know when I'll be able to fulfill this yearning (I have fantastic timing.... winter.), but now I know what I need. Even if this happens to be some kind of substitution for something nonexistent, I still want to go into nature for a day or two. I need to detox. I need to realign my life. I need to revaluate.

I don't know how to explain this to anyone without sounding completely lame, pretentious, or outlandish. I miss the smell of grass - real grass. There is so much beauty in the real world that I haven't seen. While I do live a materialistic life and gain vanity through material things, I am equally possessed by the sheer and utter breath-taking beauty of the world. I'm beginning my life and I need to see this.

I need to see something so naturally beautiful that everything pales in comparison. I need to see it so I can compare every instance in my life to that moment and know when I'm truly lucky. This sounds weird and unlike me and crazy, but I just feel like I need a larger perception of the world.

I need this.